It's little bit hard to start writing as i dont know how to start this story. It had too many things to write and i felt that i need to keep it in my mind.
Even if it's not my story, i was absolutely related to it. And i realized that i need to reconsider my life style.
After coming back to Tokyo from Sydney, Ive chenged in good way but as well as in bad way.
The thing i saw and experienced wouldnt be thought it's bad as to have sex is just nomal activity for human though , i dont think the thing which im into is worth in my life.
But this was a experience. Even though it's not worth, the reason why i was sble to know it is that i had have this experience.
Thanks for recognized me fucking shit stuff. However, this happen remind of what i really really hope for my life.
It was actually just introduction which was too long.Im not good at telling story or organize story. So i dont think its easy to read.
But it's ok because the people who will read it is only me.
5th of July which is the day i was extremely looking forward to since my lots of friends would also in there.
Before the day i had been already thinking that my point of view toward human relationship including boys and girls (especially western boys and Japanese girls) had changed. But i didnt take it seriously as when i met my old friends i realized that Japanese young people are also doing same thing.
I was thinking that there is nothing pure emotion among young people's relationship. But so..... why do nice love songs exist?!
Ive been looking for nomal friends relationship.
I had believed that it's definitely possible. But it wasn't.
He did same thing as other boys. Yet somehow he let me down hugely. Because we believed him and he might just pretending as a nice person.
In addition, i was disappointed to the person who couldnt put with it.
But it was his fult.
I think that he knew that she wouldnt refuse his question.
Or is it just depending on the people?!
I was noticed that it's extremely hard to make friends. Im not saying "friends", im saying nomal friends.
Although i was strongly believing that we could be nice friends, if either of boy or girl was thinking have sex, it doesn't makr sence.
Some people say it's still possible to have nomal relationship after having sex. But i do not think so.
If the friendship is strong and they are getting well, it might be possible to return the relationship like same as before.
As silvia said, it's much better to have dex with strengers than friends.
Hang on......
It's much much better.
Because it's really nice excuse.
They did something because of alchol.
It's much more strange if the people organized to meet up just two of them at night time.
In this case we cannot say it's unpredictable. It's absolutely predicable. Because which means that they are going to meet up to fuck. Only fuck.
But the case at the event could be unpredictable.
Despite of that i dont really know which is truth, im not able to think in positive way, somehow.
Some people who never been to overseas for long trip might not know there is just nomal relationship between different nationalies or genders.
I knew that there is amazing friendship and felt as if it's much much better than the relationship which i often have at the moment.
It's clearly different.
Right now ive been spearing my time to hang out. Otherwise, im losing my time for study.
Ive chenged hugely since then.
If i didnt meet the peeson who do him best and didnt chenge my behavior, i wouldnt keep studying English and wouldnt try to do it. I was influenced by him, really. That's why, i owe what i am to the experience.
However, ive gone forward little bit of out from the way i was following.
Try to think back the first objective when you are almost knocked off the course.
Were i hoping this stuation?
Am i happy in the future when i look back over what im doing now!?
Do i think it's possible to make real happiness to keep my life style?!
So far i dont feel like im looking for my kind of real happiness.
I just would like to have fan my life in different way.
To met many guys and have something witj them could be how to enjoy my life though, it's absolutely not important for me.
The most important and worth is of course to study. And also my job as a in retail.
Im not sure whether i could manage to work for the shop in london. However, i can say clearly that it's not 0 %
It's likely to happen as the top has already known about it.
If it's impossible, i wouldnt try harder. But i just try to chatch a opportunity, Although it's small anf hard to get. Keep going. Thrn it might be change my life.
Please do not follow the crowd.
Please have my own mind.
I was always walking my own way. That's why my fashion is quickie.
